guild wars – Paradox Myth

[The pages of the open journal seem to have a few stains from coagulated mist essence that was wiped away but is otherwise readable.]

I should have never accepted this assignment. I swore that I would never step foot in Fractals again. After what happened last time it was too risky. And yet I’m apparently my own worst enemy.

It all started when I got a message from Pixxi. She got this idea in her head to go into the Fractals to test out her weapon design but she needed a mentor chaperone. I guess I was thinking that she’d go in whether or not she got approval or that the Mistlock krewe would make sure we were attuned for a relatively low risk run considering her student status, but regardless I didn’t decline nor did I suggest she try another venue for her testing. I just took the portal from Lion’s Arch (after a bit of searching, the portal areas are so different now) and met her in Mistlock.

We weren’t the only ones there either. Shun was setting up a Fractal training session with the krewe and Ferrula, who I don’t know that well, arrived soon after us because of some anomaly the krewe wanted her to check out. Now the Mistlock krewe wasn’t about to let any of us going in alone so we wound up all partying up together. And that was fine, I felt a lot better having at least Shun with us.

The first Fractal was the Uncatagorized. The harpies made for a good target for Pixxi’s weapon and she didn’t ask any probing question about where we were. But then things took a turn for the bizarre. Just past the first set of harpies we came across a mist entity. For obvious reasons I know they exist but this was like a sucker punch to the stomach. It was a short asura female with red hair tinkering with a busted golem. Before Shun could confirm I knew who it was, the resemblance was uncanny. It was Isa and Lylla’s mother, Nolli. My mind was reeling over what was going on and why and the fact that Pixxi was standing right there and seeing this too. Shun did most of the talking to Nolli, it sounded like he had come across her before. Meanwhile I tried to impress upon Pixxi that this was strictly confidential information and she should not talk about this with anyone. By the Alchemy, the Six, and the Spirits Isa would not like having something so private known to just anyone, let alone our apprentice.

Nolli followed with us through the Fractal and seemed somewhat aware but mentally fractured. She knew she was dead and told us about how she traveled through the Mists and would be different people at different times, but at the same time she wasn’t all “there”, sometimes speaking of things that happened in the past. This was a drastic difference when we arrived at the second Fractal. We were at the Molten Facility and to our shock so was Nolli. She must have accidentally got caught in our beam when the Mistlock krewe pulled us out. She was different from the previous Fractal. She was more lucid and mentally put together but had no idea that she was dead or that this was the Mists. A shock is putting it mildly but there was no use beating around the bush. Nolli accompanied us as we explained what had happened since she died 8 years ago, from her daughters getting along again to the rise of Mordemoth. I was really uncomfortable about her immediately jumping to the conclusion that sylvari are dragon minions, that’s not something I liked hearing anyone gloat over being right about so I said nothing. But a lot of changes got her attention and I was more willing to talk about the likes of the various alliances under Scarlet. By the end Nolli seemed to accept and be resigned to her fate in the Mists. I felt really terrible and asked if there was any message she wanted us to bring back. She did have something but before she could tell us the Fractal collapsed and we moved on.

And of course the third Fractal was none other than Thaumanova. Of course it was. Nolli had fully taken on the roll of one of the Inquest cleanup krewe but I was not interested in keeping up appearances. I started to panic and Shun had to talk me down and get me to focus on finishing as fast as we could so we could get out sooner. I stuck close to Shun, taking my lead from him while praying to Lyssa to keep my mind safe and my own. I don’t remember much else from it, I just wanted to get out.

I was so thankful to find myself in the Jade Sea as soon as we were pulled out of Thaumanova. The smooth cold jade and multitude of stars was welcome despite the odd tentacled beast I knew would be at the end. Nolli was there again, in mid sentence from the Molten Facility as if the previous Fractal never happened. She seemed rightfully confused about our demeanor but she did confirm that I had no hitchhikers in my mind, that I was the only entity in my body. While I still wanted to see Magister Pokk about it that confirmation really helped with my stress and anxiety. Nolli still did have a message she wanted to pass along. She was mostly talking to Shun but I refused to be left out. After Thaumanova I wanted to talk to Isa, needed some friend time and this whole thing with Nolli I wasn’t about to keep to myself. Nolli’s message was pretty much what could expected from a mother, that she was proud of her girls (and there was a message for Fipp that she knew and approved of something, I have no idea what that means). She also gave us something to tell the twin so that way they knew it was from her and we weren’t making this all up. “A spanner is not a toy”, it must have been something she said often. Nolli was only able to follow us for so far through the Jade Sea before her form started to fade. She had reached a limit to her stability and was being ported to another area of the Mists. It was sad but I doubt she is gone for good. The rest of the Fractal was completed in mostly silence, there wasn’t much else to say. Once we got back to Mistlock Shun was instructed to give a report within a day about the anomaly (Mistlock seemed to have lost contact with us when Nolli was present, but how is that possible if we still got extracted?). I reiterated to Pixxi about keeping silent about this and I think she understood.

As soon as I left the portal I headed straight for Salma but instead of turning to home and Tarnn I went straight for Isa’s. I needed to tell this to her first. It was late but Isa still answered the door and she must have known that I wouldn’t have come over at such an hour without good reason. I’m sure I also looked frazzled. I told her that I had just come from Fractals and that I needed a stif drink and that she should pour one for herself. That really got her curious but she did as I suggested. I gave a brief rundown of why I had gone into the Fractals and who I was with and I also told her that we had gone through Thaumanova, I knew I needed to get that out first or it would be lost in the bigger news. Isa was sympathetic knowing my history with that Fractal and I was still shaken by having to go back. But then I told her that we had met her mother as a mist entity and that changed the entire conversation. She knew I wasn’t lying but her brain was having a hard time accepting it. She did down her drink and then went for something stronger. She asked a few questions but it was mostly awkward silence as she tried to process all of this. She finally decided that maybe she should try to sleep on this and I was glad to give her some privacy.

Tarnn had been waiting up for me and, despite having a drink with Isa, I poured myself another glass before I told him what happened. He had known I had gone into the Fractals and had been hesitant about it but he wasn’t expecting to hear about meeting Nolli. I gave him a more timeline accurate version than the backwards way I told Isa. And yes he was rightfully upset about me being in Thaumanova, but I was more upset at myself than he could ever be. Nolli confirming I wasn’t possessed did make him relieved but I still sent Stratus out with a letter to Magister Pokk to meet with me first thing in the morning. I drank a few more glasses until the room started to sway and I pushed it away towards Tarnn. The more time passed the more guilty I felt. This wasn’t just risky for me but also for Tarnn, he’d be the one left to deal with the fallout if something happened again and the first time was hard enough on him. It’s not in the nature of our relationship to go around and dictating what the other can and can’t do, I am an adult and I made this stupid stupid decision on my own. I think too much with my heart and not enough with my brain.

I kinda blubbered that all out in a drunken fit of guilt and crying. I don’t remember too clearly through the haze but I was upset about what I could have possibly put Tarnn though and what Isa was going through. It might have gone on for minutes or hours but I know Tarnn carried me upstairs to bed and I woke up with a terrible hangover. Tarnn, ever dependable Tarnn, had already gotten me one of my hangover potions and asked how I was feeling. Not okay was the answer but he seemed better than the night before. He said that something I had said last night while I was drunk made him think, that the Fractals are random and that I as much control over Thaumanova appearing as I did with meeting Nolli. That it made him think about what happened last time and how he kept blaming himself despite everyone saying otherwise. He finally understood that his actions, or lack there of, had no influence on Billi possessing me, that it was just a roll of the dice that came up bad. And so he finally forgave himself for what happened and that I shouldn’t feel guilty because I had no influence on the dice either. I don’t remember saying that and I doubt I meant it in a thoughtful way but it did make me feel better. Not that I’m ever ever ever EVER going back into the Fractals. I mean it this time!

And then Tarnn informed me that Magister Pokk was waiting in our kitchen. I wish he had told me that sooner! I threw on a dress and ran a brush through my hair before rushing downstairs and seeing my old psychologist having a cup of coffee at the kitchen table. I offered to provide him with breakfast as an apology for making him wait but he wouldn’t accept it. We talked a little about how I was feeling and then he checked over my mind. He confirmed what Nolli had said, there is only me in my body. He did notice that my defenses seemed strong and even if some entity tried to get in it would likely fail. He also said that I was reaching the limits of teaching myself mesmerism and if I wanted to keep going I should think about finding a teacher. He didn’t have the time as he was back at the Shaemoor Teaching Hospital but he was sure I wouldn’t have a problem finding someone. I didn’t mention to him that Isa had been coming up dry finding her own instructor so I wasn’t confident about my prospects.

I’m going to rest for a couple more hours but I don’t want yesterday to completely indispose me. Maybe while Tarnn is smithing I’ll work in the garden, I always found the sound of his hammer to be soothing plus I’d like to get some more herbs planted.

[The bottom of the page has a small sketch of an older female asura with her hair in a ponytail and wearing clothes that seem a little out of date.]

Tag: guild wars

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